Over a month has passed since my last post. I can't believe that time is flying so fast!
Amazingly, this is my first summer in NYC since my first six month visit in 2001. I officially moved here in 2002 and I have been away every summer since. 2003 found me on a cruise ship for 3 months and 2004-2011 I was on the jazz piano/voice faculty at the New York Summer Music Festival.
This NYC summer is a lot different than that first one I spent here in 2001. That summer was my NYC "experiment", where I came here with a pocketful of cruise ship earnings trying to decide what my next move was. I took weekly voice lessons with Jackie Presti and bi-weekly piano lessons with Garry Dial - both with proved to be pivotal in my ultimate decision to move here permanently. I spent the entire summer living my dream immersing myself in the jazz scene in New York City. I practiced for 6 hours a day, took daily yoga classes at a Hari Krishna temple, and went out to hear live music almost every night, all while living in a cool East Village apartment with my super amazing artist cousin Karin. It was truly a life changing summer, which resulted in my decision to move here to go to graduate school at the Manhattan School of Music.
Fast forward to 2012 and my summer couldn't be any different. I spent my days playing with my lovely son, moseying around in the stroller through Central Park and trying to complete various projects around the apartment. We spend our weekends at our beach house in Breezy Point, BBQ-ing and spending time with my husband's family. I only get to practice a few hours a week now - probably less in a week than I used to in a day! Being with my son has taught me to slow down and enjoy the simpler things like flowers and squirrels and garbage trucks (he loves garbage trucks!). I am seeing the city in a whole new way and I am for once actually living in the moment, rather than pushing ahead to the next big goal or gig.
My imagination is alive and I am feeling really full of hope and reflection. Although I can't figure out the logistics quite yet, I am excited about the possibility of another recording, another tour, another great teaching opportunity. I am also starting to feel like my music has really benefited from what I call my "Mommy hiatus". I spent more than half of my life engrossed in music and now I am engrossed in just living my life. Such an incredible change!
So, that's my summer in the city. So far...
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Catching up
As I write this, it is currently 6:30 on Sunday morning and I have already been up for over an hour. My sweet son is miraculously sleeping through the night now, but still likes to get up at the break of dawn. This has presented me with the marvelous gift of some time to myself, which I thought I would never get again. Incredibly, I am starting to get caught up!
As a self employed person, there is no end to the amount of work that there is to do. Add in being a new mom and a wife to a guy with a demanding job and that amount of work doubles. I am balancing/juggling so much at once, that I often feel like there will never be an end to my "To Do" list. This week I managed to break through and I'm actually seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
I kept the babysitter for an extra 4 hours on Friday and sorted and filed all of my teaching materials (from 5 different gigs), in addition to cleaning out my studio. Wow! Yesterday morning after the 5am feeding, I cleaned out two of our closets and discovered that there is a lot more room in there than we thought. (Living in NYC = not that much closet space, but that's for another post...)
This morning, I tackled three tasks: Starting a Twitter account (@brendaestokes), starting a Facebook Band Fan site http://www.facebook.com/BrendaEarleStokes and signing up for a new e-newsletter provider. (I have used Constant Contact for years, but it's really expensive!)
This morning time has become sheer bliss and I enjoy tackling these tasks while drinking my coffee while it's still hot. At the rate I'm going, I will be through my "To Do" list by the end of June!
Once these tasks are done, I will start the new big project: Editing and publishing my entire catalog of Sacred Voices music. Check out one of our performances here. This is something I've been wanting to do for years, but have not had the time and focus to do it. I suspect that this work will also be taking place in the wee small hours of the morning...
As a self employed person, there is no end to the amount of work that there is to do. Add in being a new mom and a wife to a guy with a demanding job and that amount of work doubles. I am balancing/juggling so much at once, that I often feel like there will never be an end to my "To Do" list. This week I managed to break through and I'm actually seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
I kept the babysitter for an extra 4 hours on Friday and sorted and filed all of my teaching materials (from 5 different gigs), in addition to cleaning out my studio. Wow! Yesterday morning after the 5am feeding, I cleaned out two of our closets and discovered that there is a lot more room in there than we thought. (Living in NYC = not that much closet space, but that's for another post...)
This morning, I tackled three tasks: Starting a Twitter account (@brendaestokes), starting a Facebook Band Fan site http://www.facebook.com/BrendaEarleStokes and signing up for a new e-newsletter provider. (I have used Constant Contact for years, but it's really expensive!)
This morning time has become sheer bliss and I enjoy tackling these tasks while drinking my coffee while it's still hot. At the rate I'm going, I will be through my "To Do" list by the end of June!
Once these tasks are done, I will start the new big project: Editing and publishing my entire catalog of Sacred Voices music. Check out one of our performances here. This is something I've been wanting to do for years, but have not had the time and focus to do it. I suspect that this work will also be taking place in the wee small hours of the morning...
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Accepting help
I am notorious for not wanting help. I like to do most things for myself and have always been this way. It's not that I need to be in control (is it?). I think I was just programmed early on to be as independent as possible. I really like that about myself, but motherhood has made me need help more than ever before. Take today, for example. I booked the babysitter for a couple of extra hours today so I could get caught up on some work stuff. BUT I planned to feed him myself during that time, giving the sitter some paid time off. Realizing how ridiculous that was, I decided to pretend I wasn't home and let her actually do her job. And, I managed to finish all the score preparation for my gig on June 15 and even practice for nearly 90 minutes.
Asking for help equals taking care of myself and I hope to be able to do more of it. Do you struggle with the same thing?
Asking for help equals taking care of myself and I hope to be able to do more of it. Do you struggle with the same thing?
Monday, June 4, 2012
Their outsides vs my insides
As a new mom, I look to other moms for inspiration. I have a few acquaintances and friends who are moms who are doing amazing things: releasing new albums, touring, etc and I look at them wondering how they can do it all! Most days I have to decide between practicing the piano and taking a shower while the little man naps. How can people release albums?!?
My good friend Amy Cervini has a fantastic 2 year old son and was very kind to remind me that she wasn't exactly musically productive when she had a three month old. I really needed to hear that! I sometimes feel so overwhelmed that I don't know how I'm going to get through the day just taking care of my guy, which causes me to doubt that I'll ever be active in the music scene again! Inside I feel so crazed and have so many doubts and I look at what others are doing and compare myself to them. Not a great thing to do!
Just the other day I was chatting with the mom of one of my students. She has an 8 year old and a 5 year old and told me that she was impressed by how easy I'm making it look. She said she was amazed that I was teaching, doing gigs and that I always look so well put together(!!!!!). I was so flattered by that and it was a great boost to my confidence, especially considering I usually have barf on at least one article of clothing!
It made me chuckle to myself that the other mom was looking at my outsides and comparing them with her insides! I told her that although it might seem effortless for me, I was struggling most of the time. She thanked me for telling her that, as she often felt overwhelmed.
I am learning to be more patient with myself and to be grateful for any time that I have to make music. More than that, I count my blessings every day for my beautiful son and husband, who make me smile every day. I know that many great musical experiences are still in store for me...
My good friend Amy Cervini has a fantastic 2 year old son and was very kind to remind me that she wasn't exactly musically productive when she had a three month old. I really needed to hear that! I sometimes feel so overwhelmed that I don't know how I'm going to get through the day just taking care of my guy, which causes me to doubt that I'll ever be active in the music scene again! Inside I feel so crazed and have so many doubts and I look at what others are doing and compare myself to them. Not a great thing to do!
Just the other day I was chatting with the mom of one of my students. She has an 8 year old and a 5 year old and told me that she was impressed by how easy I'm making it look. She said she was amazed that I was teaching, doing gigs and that I always look so well put together(!!!!!). I was so flattered by that and it was a great boost to my confidence, especially considering I usually have barf on at least one article of clothing!
It made me chuckle to myself that the other mom was looking at my outsides and comparing them with her insides! I told her that although it might seem effortless for me, I was struggling most of the time. She thanked me for telling her that, as she often felt overwhelmed.
I am learning to be more patient with myself and to be grateful for any time that I have to make music. More than that, I count my blessings every day for my beautiful son and husband, who make me smile every day. I know that many great musical experiences are still in store for me...
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Great albums of my past...and present
Our little man was up all night last night. All. Night. We didn't know what was wrong with him, but he seems to be doing a lot better now. In the midst of our middle of the night shenanigans, I was reconnected with some great albums from my childhood.
1. Raffi "Singable Songs For the Very Young" - We actually went to hear him live and I remember how fantastic he was! His "I wonder if I'm growing", made me a little weepy last night, especially since our little man is now in the 3-6 month size of clothes - at only 9 weeks!
2. Anne Murray "Hippo In My Tub" - My mom LOVED Anne Murray, so it was a real home run when she released this children's album. Her version of "Hi Lili, Hi Lo" still makes me cry.
3. Ramones "Mania" - "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" is totally badass, and "Rockaway Beach" means so much more to me now that we actually spend summers there. I thought it was a made up place!
We had quite a nice dance party here last night, my little man and I. He just didn't want it to end at bedtime...
There are some other faves from childhood that I'm going to look for:
Little Richard - my dad LOVES Little Richard
Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits - my mom LOVED that album. I still remember the double record album that opened up to a big picture of his face (pre-plastic surgery)
The Smiths "Louder Than Bombs" - that one was all me. Nothing like British gay angst music, when you're a 14 year old Canadian girl.
The Pretty in Pink Soundtrack - still my favourite movie of all time and one of the best soundtracks EVER.
Well, back to my tired stupor and an attempt to hit the Goldberg Variations before Junior is reactivated.
1. Raffi "Singable Songs For the Very Young" - We actually went to hear him live and I remember how fantastic he was! His "I wonder if I'm growing", made me a little weepy last night, especially since our little man is now in the 3-6 month size of clothes - at only 9 weeks!
2. Anne Murray "Hippo In My Tub" - My mom LOVED Anne Murray, so it was a real home run when she released this children's album. Her version of "Hi Lili, Hi Lo" still makes me cry.
3. Ramones "Mania" - "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" is totally badass, and "Rockaway Beach" means so much more to me now that we actually spend summers there. I thought it was a made up place!
We had quite a nice dance party here last night, my little man and I. He just didn't want it to end at bedtime...
There are some other faves from childhood that I'm going to look for:
Little Richard - my dad LOVES Little Richard
Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits - my mom LOVED that album. I still remember the double record album that opened up to a big picture of his face (pre-plastic surgery)
The Smiths "Louder Than Bombs" - that one was all me. Nothing like British gay angst music, when you're a 14 year old Canadian girl.
The Pretty in Pink Soundtrack - still my favourite movie of all time and one of the best soundtracks EVER.
Well, back to my tired stupor and an attempt to hit the Goldberg Variations before Junior is reactivated.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
It's not the end of the world...
It's so funny to me how when I'm in the middle of a bad day, I often feel like every day is going to be like that. How can I forget so quickly and easily all of the good days I have had?
Yesterday was a lousy day for me trying to get anything done. The babysitter got sick, so I couldn't go to my teaching gig and I had a fixed idea in my head about how the day was going to look. Here it was, 8 in the morning and I was already feeling frustrated and overwhelmed! The little man was wide away and ready to party all day, making it extremely difficult for me to actually sit at the piano and get anything done. I did 15 minutes of vocal practice, did a load of laundry, put groceries away and made chicken curry. A pretty remarkable list of tasks accomplished, but not good enough in my mind. Ah, dreadful perfectionism.
Today started out very differently. Since the forecast calls for rain, I threw the boo boo in the stroller at 7:45am this morning to get a good walk in before it's impossible to do so. We both really need to get out of this damn house, and it makes bedtime a lot easier for him later. After the walk, we both ate breakfast and he crashed until 11:30am. I practiced for nearly two hours and actually felt the most productive I have in almost a week. Amazing! I also made soup during this time. Double amazing!
What was especially surprising to me, was that after spending a few days really working on my original tune "In September", I actually made a few changes to it. It surprised me that once I got beyond the surface, I noticed that although I love the vision of the piece, there were actually a few redundant chords. I had forgotten about this type of subtlety that you can get to when you actually go deeper into the piece. I am really happy with the way it's coming together and I am almost completely off book with it. I also discovered a few lovely cluster voices that work beautifully over the middle section.
I hope that I can remember days like today when I am faced with another version of yesterday.
Yesterday was a lousy day for me trying to get anything done. The babysitter got sick, so I couldn't go to my teaching gig and I had a fixed idea in my head about how the day was going to look. Here it was, 8 in the morning and I was already feeling frustrated and overwhelmed! The little man was wide away and ready to party all day, making it extremely difficult for me to actually sit at the piano and get anything done. I did 15 minutes of vocal practice, did a load of laundry, put groceries away and made chicken curry. A pretty remarkable list of tasks accomplished, but not good enough in my mind. Ah, dreadful perfectionism.
Today started out very differently. Since the forecast calls for rain, I threw the boo boo in the stroller at 7:45am this morning to get a good walk in before it's impossible to do so. We both really need to get out of this damn house, and it makes bedtime a lot easier for him later. After the walk, we both ate breakfast and he crashed until 11:30am. I practiced for nearly two hours and actually felt the most productive I have in almost a week. Amazing! I also made soup during this time. Double amazing!
What was especially surprising to me, was that after spending a few days really working on my original tune "In September", I actually made a few changes to it. It surprised me that once I got beyond the surface, I noticed that although I love the vision of the piece, there were actually a few redundant chords. I had forgotten about this type of subtlety that you can get to when you actually go deeper into the piece. I am really happy with the way it's coming together and I am almost completely off book with it. I also discovered a few lovely cluster voices that work beautifully over the middle section.
I hope that I can remember days like today when I am faced with another version of yesterday.
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