Catching up

As I write this, it is currently 6:30 on Sunday morning and I have already been up for over an hour.  My sweet son is miraculously sleeping through the night now, but still likes to get up at the break of dawn.  This has presented me with the marvelous gift of some time to myself, which I thought I would never get again.  Incredibly, I am starting to get caught up!

As a self employed person, there is no end to the amount of work that there is to do.  Add in being a new mom and a wife to a guy with a demanding job and that amount of work doubles.  I am balancing/juggling so much at once, that I often feel like there will never be an end to my "To Do" list.  This week I managed to break through and I'm actually seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I kept the babysitter for an extra 4 hours on Friday and sorted and filed all of my teaching materials (from 5 different gigs), in addition to cleaning out my studio.  Wow!  Yesterday morning after the 5am feeding, I cleaned out two of our closets and discovered that there is a lot more room in there than we thought.  (Living in NYC = not that much closet space, but that's for another post...)

This morning, I tackled three tasks:  Starting a Twitter account (@brendaestokes), starting a Facebook Band Fan site  http://www.facebook.com/BrendaEarleStokes and signing up for a new e-newsletter provider.  (I have used Constant Contact for years, but it's really expensive!) 

This morning time has become sheer bliss and I enjoy tackling these tasks while drinking my coffee while it's still hot.  At the rate I'm going, I will be through my "To Do" list by the end of June!

Once these tasks are done, I will start the new big project: Editing and publishing my entire catalog of Sacred Voices music.  Check out one of our performances here.  This is something I've been wanting to do for years, but have not had the time and focus to do it.  I suspect that this work will also be taking place in the wee small hours of the morning...

Accepting help

I am notorious for not wanting help. I like to do most things for myself and have always been this way. It's not that I need to be in control (is it?). I think I was just programmed early on to be as independent as possible. I really like that about myself, but motherhood has made me need help more than ever before. Take today, for example. I booked the babysitter for a couple of extra hours today so I could get caught up on some work stuff. BUT I planned to feed him myself during that time, giving the sitter some paid time off. Realizing how ridiculous that was, I decided to pretend I wasn't home and let her actually do her job. And, I managed to finish all the score preparation for my gig on June 15 and even practice for nearly 90 minutes.

Asking for help equals taking care of myself and I hope to be able to do more of it. Do you struggle with the same thing?

Their outsides vs my insides

As a new mom, I look to other moms for inspiration. I have a few acquaintances and friends who are moms who are doing amazing things: releasing new albums, touring, etc and I look at them wondering how they can do it all! Most days I have to decide between practicing the piano and taking a shower while the little man naps. How can people release albums?!?
My good friend Amy Cervini has a fantastic 2 year old son and was very kind to remind me that she wasn't exactly musically productive when she had a three month old. I really needed to hear that! I sometimes feel so overwhelmed that I don't know how I'm going to get through the day just taking care of my guy, which causes me to doubt that I'll ever be active in the music scene again! Inside I feel so crazed and have so many doubts and I look at what others are doing and compare myself to them. Not a great thing to do!
Just the other day I was chatting with the mom of one of my students. She has an 8 year old and a 5 year old and told me that she was impressed by how easy I'm making it look. She said she was amazed that I was teaching, doing gigs and that I always look so well put together(!!!!!). I was so flattered by that and it was a great boost to my confidence, especially considering I usually have barf on at least one article of clothing!

It made me chuckle to myself that the other mom was looking at my outsides and comparing them with her insides! I told her that although it might seem effortless for me, I was struggling most of the time. She thanked me for telling her that, as she often felt overwhelmed.

I am learning to be more patient with myself and to be grateful for any time that I have to make music. More than that, I count my blessings every day for my beautiful son and husband, who make me smile every day. I know that many great musical experiences are still in store for me...